The Dark Lord's Death Eaters
by Skull Bearer
Summary: The Death Eaters are insane, and who best to explain this than the Dark Lord himself? A little description of all the inner circle, courtesy of Lord Voldemort.


The Dark Lord's Death Eaters  
  
They're all insane, I know it. I don't mind of course, I'm not too fussy about who I employ, as long as they aren't mudblood or here to spy, as long as they're faithful.  
  
Take Bella, for example, almost everyone thinks we're having an affair. Rubbish, of course, she's not into bestiality, and I certainly am not about to be beaten senseless like most of her lovers. Or should I say victims, the only reason Rodolphus has been able to survive her is because he's a masochist. Pure sadism. Fun to watch though.  
  
It's not as if I care what they do to each other, as long as they're all present when the mark burns.  
  
Rodolphus now, probably the sanest of the Lestrange trio, despite a masochistic streak a mile wide. A half-Vampire, most likely the only reason he escaped Azkaban halfway sane. Not as mindlessly obediant as Bellatrix, I prefer that, when Bella's got over her imprisonment maybe she'll be able to take the initiative again. I have my mindless servant in Pettigrew, thank you very much, I don't need another. Back to Rodolphus, a very clever wizard, should have been in Ravenclaw really, first son and heir of a Great pure-blood family; but not really a leader, he leaves that to Bella, utterly obsessed with her, odd really, he'd look at none other but he lets his wife screw anyone she likes. Oh well, his bussiness.  
  
Rabastan, the last Lestrange, brother to Rodolphus. Obsessed with Demonology, not as world-wise as his brother or sister-in-law, the stereotypical whiny younger brother. Copulates with demons, chalks pentagrams, and despite being occasionally annoying; a very useful addition to the ranks. Those three always group together, and I find they do best when working in tandem. All the more reason to assign them together really, the enjoy working together, the complement each other well and they terrify the Ministry senseless.  
  
Lucius. Now there's a chameleon if there ever was one, fits in anywhere, with bribes or without. I doubt they'll convict him, no matter the evidence, with his tongue I daresay he'll sway the judge and a little coin will turn the heads of half the jury. I did not lie when I called him slippery, it's very hard to pin him down even with Veritaserum and Legilimency, and what with the ministry's complete lack of the latter and the loop holes in the former, I'm not too worried.  
  
Although if the aurors care to look deeper into what happens at Malfoy manor the could be in for a shock, I say 'could' because I doubt many of them have much in the lines of imagination. If the Malfoys are governed by any taboos I have yet to discover them, they indulge Incest, bestiality and basically everything else, I believe Macnair summed it up perfectly "If it moves, Malfoy, you'll screw it." Absolutely correct.  
  
Sex, sex, sex, nothing else, Lucius will do anything, debase himself as much as he can. Utterly crazed, his son's no better.  
  
I may not care what they get up to but it is amusing.  
  
Walden Macnair, author of that oh-so fitting quote above. Bellatrix's rival, the other Dom. in the Death Eaters. Their interchanges range from amusing to dangerous, like the Malfoys he isn't too picky about who, or what, he takes to his bed, except that they are predominantly male. Rape, bestiality, necrophillia, he's great friends with the Malfoys.  
  
Macnair is also one of the more mentally damaged Death Eaters, and the only one without the excuse of an extended sojourn in Azkaban. Blood-mad, very violent, I've seen what he does to people who get on the wrong side of his axe.  
  
No coincidence I sent him to talk to the giants, I thought they would relate better to someone who knew the love of bloodshed. At any rate I was needed in England to re-organize and I've never really understood the brute violence Walden seems to favor, just cast Avada Kedavra and be done with it.  
  
Avran Travers, another basketcase, this time a more...diagnosable one. A pyromaniac who only joined me because of the opportunities for setting things alight. My Death Eaters are gifted one enchanted item when the join me, Avran's? A branch of Gubraithian fire, no complaints. Most of the rest of the inner circle keep an eye on him, as Travers is prone to large scale blazes at the most inopportune moments. I last heard he was entertaining a fantasy of setting Dumbledore's beard alight, which is something I'd pay to see.  
  
As insane as they are, it comes in useful sometimes.  
  
Brutus Crabbe, as first sight the mirror of Gregiogo Goyle, and often named in the same breath, both half-troll, both utterly loyal but lacking the political power and skill in throwing off the Ministry's eye and looking for me. I believe common perception puts them as bodyguards to Lucius Malfoy, in much the same way as their offspring's cater to young Draco. Like father, like son.  
  
Wrong.  
  
Brutus Crabbe, is a Death Eater more lacking in brains than sanity, Gregiogo though, is much cleverer than his heritage would suggest, keeping up an admirable facade of idiocy and near-slavery to the wizarding public.  
  
Well, the public is in for a shock.  
  
Brutus, as his name suggests, is none too capable at abstract thought, but is more than capable of wringing a man's neck. While wizards more devoted to brain than brawn are more useful, I have often found that a stereotypical ox or two capable of breaking down locked doors or bending bars without magic can come in very useful, particularly when you've been captured.  
  
Gregiogo Goyle is, as I've said, an interesting case, although every bit as fond of violence as Brutus, Gregiogo delights in letting people's pre- conceptions of him as a mindless lackey underestimate him. He then follows it up with a brutal, but complex, spell which has the usual effect of tearing all four limbs off.  
  
I believe his son follows in his footsteps.  
  
Merisious Mulciber, the control freak, one of the only people I have met that can put several people under the Imperius curse at once, I believe his record was several hundred, cast in a muggle football stadium, very amusing.  
  
One of my first recruits, I met him while travelling in Africa, before I returned to England as Lord Voldemort, born in the gutter and forever trying to climb out, a mirror image of my life, really.  
  
Merisious, as I said, is a control freak, and even more so after Azkaban, very hard to command, but his aptitude at the Imperius curse makes him a worthy ally. He uses the Imperius at every opportunity, and quite honestly, there's little point stopping him. He, like most Death Eaters, hangs around the 'Blade and Rose' down Knockturn, usually Imperio-ing unwary customers and raping them. Very tall, tough and strong, the fact that he's so imposing doesn't help anyone trying to resist his curse.  
  
Control games indeed.  
  
Dmittus Nott is a sycophant. It gets highly annoying and I Crucio him often for it, unfortunately I don't believe he's quite got the message, as a bout of torture simply makes him spout more praise. The only reason he has a place in my ranks is that he can worm his way into and out of any situation, it can come in highly useful, as you expect.  
  
Nott crawls around those more powerful than him in a fashion that would make Pettigrew seem the epitome of Gryffindor honor. Abasing himself pathetically. I believe he has come under Bella and Macnair's whip more than once, the results of which I can only imagine.  
  
Personally, I detest Nott, and only his usefulness stops me from Kadavra- ing him and being done with it.  
  
Another pathetic individual, Peter Pettigrew. A coward that puts pay to the theory that you can be drastically miss-sorted- although I'm not sure where else he would go, Ravenclaw-to stupid, Slytherin-too naive, Hufflepuff-Ha! Loyal? Don't make me laugh-, failure as a member of the Order of the Phoenix, as a Death Eaters and as a wizard in general. It's just a well for him I need members or this would be over very quickly.  
  
Bellatrix seems to delight in practicing her skills on him, Wormtail's beginning to fear her as much as he fears me. I've noticed he's always the last to arrive at meetings and the first to depart, judging by the looks the other's give him I'm not surprised. Were he not an animagus I'd hand him to Macnair, hell, I'd come to watch.  
  
That's another interesting fact, most of my Death Eaters are exhibitionists. This is the only reason I know so much, I might not care what they do in their spare time, as long as it doesn't betray their oaths, but walking across them by accident while in Knockturn is almost unavoidable.  
  
Alexis Jugson, a new recruit, she joined just after my rebirth, Russian, a graduate from Durmstrang, she acts as a go-between, recruiting from Durmstrang and Eastern Europe. One of the youngest, she has already earned herself a reputation as being "As frigid as the fucking snow" in Lucius's terms. Which, knowing him, is a first.  
  
One of the more quiet members, and the most serious, silently disapproving of the revels the others indulge in, revels which have pretty much become tradition. She is completely absorbed in the Dark Arts to the point of using little other magic, a good member, fanatical about the cause but in a different way to Bella, there is already a good deal of enmity between her and the Lestrange.  
  
The sanest Death Eater, for now.  
  
Morlok Dolohov, another one who has little to do with the revels, except as a means to cause pain, he is utterly obsessed with the Cruciatus curse, and as Mulciber has devoted himself to the Imperius curse, so has Morlok become the most talented at casting the Cruciatus.  
  
A sadomasochist, adoring pain whoever the target, I oft-times wonder if he deliberately fails missions so he is tortured by the only one more capable at casting the Cruciatus than he, myself.  
  
A constant visitor to Bella's torture parlor, though whether as the torturer, tortured or lover matters on the occasion.  
  
A loose cannon at times, often unpredictable, but anyone who can turn hardened aurors to trembling wrecks is a welcome addition in the Dark Order.  
  
Rookwood, outdone only by Lucius for his silvered tongue, another skilled at the Imperius, taught by Mulciber. An Unspeakable disillusioned by the vows of secrecy, he joined the Death Eaters from the beginning and has apparently never looked back. Able to blend in whatever situation he may find himself, to the point where I suspect he isn't sure who he is anymore, where the masks he wears have become his face. His favorite method of operating is to charm his way into an auror's bed through potions and spells as well as his tongue (the basis of a pun I will not go into), and leave nothing but a horrified corpse in the morning.  
  
Not as clearly insane as Travers or Dolohov, but unhinged all the same.  
  
Very clever though, he understands secrecy and the methods used to make it work better than anyone. His skills at operating in the shadows have come in useful many times.  
  
Dermon Avery, while not as cowardly as Pettigrew or as annoying as Nott, he is still an irritation. He lives in abject fear of my wrath to the point it has become a phobia, and while this can be useful in chastising, one glower and his legs give way, it can also be highly annoying. His fear of me is such that he rarely takes the initiative for fear of displeasing me. I know that he would be the last to betray me, but it is tiresome to walk the fool through every action.  
  
Which really is a pity, Dermon is an excellent dueler, while not the best at the Unforgivables, his skills at minor hexes and curses mean that he is hard to beat. Very useful, but it never helps to terrify someone to the point that they're always second guessing themselves.  
  
I sometimes wonder if the reason I keep failing is that my inner circle in completely off the wall. But then again, I had my share of disasters even before half of them went to Azkaban.  
  
Finally, Severus Snape. The fool. I sometimes wonder how stupid he thinks me to be, he claims to have never left my side, yet when I tried to steal the Philosopher's stone four years ago he attempted to stop me. Hmmm, he claimed it was because he didn't realize I was behind it, which means that either he is abjectly stupid, or he believes me to be. His mark becomes clearer over the passing months, he knows this means I am gaining power, them he hears of a plot to steal the stone. Rather a coincidence, don't you think.  
  
I know Severus though, and I know it isn't his conscience that guides him, he's a survivor, and sides with the group that has the upper hand. So we'll see, most of the information I've been giving him is nonsense anyway. The best Potions Master in Britain is not something to throw away, even if he is a traitor.  
  
Anyway, I doubt Lucius would be entirely happy if I killed his lover, and an unhappy Death Eater is one more likely to fail in the next mission, or worse, rebel.  
  
I daresay that half the amusement of this job is derived from the insanity of my cohorts, as for the rest of the inner circle, well, that is my problem. After all, I doubt much use could be derived from this, as most of the Death Eaters on this have or will be convicted, and I'm not about to let out the names of all the others who bear the mark.  
  
Really, I think it's preferable to have people this deranged working for you, rather than some mindless idiots such as those in the Ministry, or the fools in Dumbledore's order, where the only problem is paranoia. Anyway, all (with one notable exception) are loyal, and since I don't give a damn what they do as long as they do as I command, I don't really care either.  
  
Right, I have been trying to portray the Death Eaters as I imagine them and not a JKR writes them to be, i.e.-two dimensional and stupid.  
  
I sadly, do not own Voldemort or the Death Eaters, or anything else you recognize. I live in hope, however, that JKR will give me Lord Voldemort when she's finished with him (where my first problem will be getting him back to life, GRRRRR :/ ). I do, however, own most of the personalities I've given them. Thank you to Anath de Malfoy for the inspiration. If you want to know what I mean, check her out on- ?no=2144 


End file.
